At church this morning Patrick Mead was talking a lot about the Church of Christ and what it was founded on and trying to point everyone back to the roots of our church, it was crazy to me to hear him talk about how he feels that the only and most important thing is that people believe that Jesus Christ is our Lord and savior, I totally agree with him, and that taking him on in baptism is what unites us no matter what the other things are that we bring to the table. But the thing is, I think it is a rarity that that actually happens in church, especially in Churches of Christ. I think typically Church of Christ people jump to judgment with the thought that everything is sinful, I know that I have fallen into that trap many a time and I think that right now I am struggling to find out what I think the balance is. Am I living a life that is hypocritical because of some of the choices that I make and I have told others they shouldn't make those choices? Have I just become that good at being able to talk myself into circles of justification for things I want to do in my life? I am not sure, my opinions and views on so many thing have changed so drastically in the last few years that I struggle to know when I was right? What point of view is the one that is right, why I think that and how to go to the point I need to be at whatever that ends up being...

Anyway, another cool analogy that Patrick Mead made today at church this morning was this; our life is like a fogged up mirror, you have to keep on cleaning the mirror so you can see yourself, and you can only see your self reflecting Christ when we get the dirt of the world out of the way from the blood of Christ....just something to think about I guess...

Felling the warmth of the rays beating down on my cool skin, brings me a complete sense of comfort and relaxation. The intensity of the heart makes me long for the days when life had the sweet taste of simplicity. The warmth brings all the smells of summer weather and all the memories that flood my mind bring me a joy that is indescribable. Watching as the intensity of the heat shifts across the sky I long to watch the day turn to night and to hear the silence that the setting always brings.

I am at that point, you know that one where you can hardly keep it together anymore? The one where you know that if just one more bad thing, or even unexpected thing happens that you just might break. The point where it seems like everything is falling apart and you have absolutley no control over it. I am there, part of me feels myself taking stuff way overboard and yet...I can't help the way that I feel...I think a lot of it is just the fact that it is the end of the semester and that I am so ready for the mindlessness that summer has the potential to bring....

Tonight we vote on new officers, and it kinda makes my heart ache. I have been President of Alpha Tau Theta for the past 2 of my college expereice at RC. It is time for someone else to fill my shoes..and it scares me...I feel like it is the beginning of the phasing out process that every college student has to go through...the realization that soon these times...these precious memories will be just a beautiful memeory of the past. While I know I still have one more year of school, and I plan to be active in TAU, I also know that things will be much differnt sitting on the otherside of the table. Maybe it will turn out to be a relief to let someone else worry about all the logistics of things all the time...but sometimes I think worrying about them is part of who I am and not having that responsibility also makes me lose some control, and I think it makes me feel like my voice will no longer be heard. I don't want this to be the end of me being able to make an impact on all the people who have helped shape me into the person that I am...and while I know i am exagerating I still kinda feel that way. But I guess really I should look at this whole "phasing out process" as life...I guess the reality is that life changes so quickly sometimes and at least this is a change I can embrass slowly and make the most of the memories that I have left to make in the next year.

 

I think it is the unexpected things...the crazy bends that throw you off track that end up being the best things in life...Hailey and I talked about that today...and I am certian that that is indeed the case.